Untold Revenge
by SecretKata
Summary: "How do you think you had the strength to defeat me? You didn't." – Shredder. What if the Shredder didn't die on the rooftop that night? For Leonardo, Shredder's revenge on the Hamato family is still very much alive. WARNING: please do not read if you are sensitive to self-harm, torture, graphic content. Rated M to be safe.
1. Chapter 1

_The fire engulfed the building and raged around him. Trapped on the rooftop with his nemesis who murdered his father in cold blood._

Fresh broken shards of glass lay across the blue meditation mat, ruining the soft but worn fabric. Leonardo appeared somewhat mesmerised by his broken reflection whilst flexing his bloodied knuckles. Little did his brothers know that this self-destructive act was in a desperate attempt to re-establish his identity. He felt corrupted, violated, insane from the bitter feeling of rage that had grown inside of him, but he needed to remain strong for his brothers now that their sensei was gone.

 _You killed him! He was your brother, and you killed him!_

Leonardo winced, not from the stinging pain burning through his hand but from the heartache. He started to unwrap the black fabric around his arms which he often wore since their encounter with the Shredder on the rooftop. This was in a desperate attempt to hide the numerous red marks that were engraved in to the skin across both forearms. Anything to release the inner torment before inflicting harm on his brothers. He felt this was his only option, although he didn't want to. This was no longer an urge but a need, despite retreating to a meditative state whenever he wasn't in training in order to grieve peacefully.

Subconsciously, Leonardo had pulled out one of his tanto blades and instinctively reached over to his left forearm. The demeaning voice in his head kept replaying Splinter's death over and over, with a commentary of self-punishing thoughts. Leonardo begged for it to stop, applying pressure to the tip of the tanto blade and began to dig. He tried to focus his attention on one of the flickering candles in front of him as he felt the recognisable sharp pain sear through his arm.

He imagined the heat and flames engulfing the building where his brothers last fought the Shredder. He watched as Saki threw each of his brothers off the building, isolating him. Battling through and reliving this memory was his method in fighting off the Shredder every night, however it wasn't real without pain.

 _He was your brother Saki, your best friend. How could you do that?_

 _Splinter was cursed to become a loathsome rat! It was his fate, his destiny!_

Leonardo felt the oncoming waves of darkness as he started to leak crimson fluid on to the ground, feeling violently sick inside from the act of self-harm he was committing. Every wave was equivalent to the blows the Shredder inflicted on him during their last physical encounter. His energy drained through his body in to the floor, but he fought back the urge to pass out, just as he did that night on the rooftop.

 _You're a monster! A demon! Is that your destiny? The Shredder paused in self-doubt, questioning what he had become. Leonardo seized the opportunity and struck forward with his katana blade, however Shredder caught his arm too easily. The blue banded turtle cried out as the Shredder twisted his arm, emanating a sickening crack as the limb was removed from its socket. The Shredder continued to torture his enemy, striking blows against Leonardo's carapace and throwing him against the burning surface of the imminently collapsing building. Leonardo's body lay weakly over the edge of the building. Shredder's blade extended as he stood menacingly over his victim's ragdoll form and prepared to deliver the finishing blow._

 _And now, you die!_

 _The leader had no intention on fighting back. This was it…Leonardo acknowledged defeat as his eyes glazed over, succumbing to his body's broken state. I'm sorry father, he thought._

His breath hitched from the ongoing pain in his ribs and he raised his head to the ceiling. Several new wounds had appeared on both of Leonardo's arms.

Someone then gave him the spirit to finish this, but Leonardo couldn't remember whom. As Leonardo charged Shredder for the final strike, he dug in deeper. He absentmindedly fell to the floor, feeling nothing, not even on the relief that the voice was gone. The tanto blade lay loosely in his palm.

" _Shredder…is finished…" Leonardo dropped his victim's helmet on to the ground_


	2. Chapter 2

A few days earlier

Leonardo lay still on his cold meditation mat, ignoring his welcoming comfy bed. Sleep had evaded him for the past few days and he had no intention of returning to his constant tossing and turning on the soft mattress. He spent most of his time either in the dojo or his bedroom since his Sensei's death. It was quite often he sparred by himself, running through a number of katas to help him feel in control.

 _We choose what holds us back._

"What if I can't move on, father? I don't know how." Leonardo often spoke openly to his father but never within range of his brothers. He needed to be strong for them; help them to move on, even though he himself didn't want to accept that their father's death was a reality.

The leader regularly dragged the rest of the guys out to patrol different parts of the city, even though the crime rate had dropped temporarily - most likely as a result of the Shredder's demise. There was no sign of his followers such as Tiger Claw, Bradford or Xever. Not even Bebop and Rocksteady had been causing any trouble lately.

After much dwelling, Leonardo still couldn't sleep and decided to head for the shower - grabbing one of his tanto blades and tucking it in to a hidden sleeve within a bandage. He quickly peered round his bedroom door to scan the lair for his brothers and listened intently. He could hear Michaelangelo snoring, and he could sense Raphael hadn't got back from his run yet.

 _Probably beating up some poor soul on the street who hadn't even robbed anyone yet,_ thought Leonardo.

Donatello was once again in his laboratory. Leonardo had decided Donnie had made it his new bedroom. The blue banded brother proceeded to the bathroom and locked the door behind him, hoping no one would hear and question why he was up so late again. After all, this wasn't the first time. He let the water from the shower run for a minute or so whilst he carefully removed his fabric covers, belt and pads. He placed the tanto blade on a metal stand nearby and unknowingly stared at it for a good minute or so. He felt it was dishonourable to use this particular tanto blade in battle, so he kept it for "personal" use only.

 _Why would I use it to protect myself from others in battle, when I draw the blade upon myself?_

He took a deep breath and stepped in to the luke warm shower. Steam had just started to rise from his skin contact when he deliberately turned the temperature of the water down a few degrees.

He closed his eyes as the cold water seeped in to the indentations in his shell and flooded his open pores with a bitter cold sensation. His skin developed what humans called goosebumps in a fickle attempt to preserve heat, but it was no use, and Leonardo didn't care. His body also started to shiver but he sat down and embraced the numbness that was beginning to take over his body. He wasn't sure what he wanted to feel. He wanted to feel something, but then at the same time, nothing. He wanted someone to walk in and see what he had been doing the past few nights and comfort him, talk to him, however he simultaneously wanted to be left alone. He felt ashamed.

He suddenly grabbed the tanto blade and paused, glazing over.

 _Why should I be the leader of this team? I failed them. Sensei is dead because I was not strong enough to defeat the Shredder in the first place. We had a chance when his mutagen stopped working, but I gave in to my physical pain way too easily. I should have stood by Karai and April and finished the Shredder there and then. I let the guys down. I let you down, Father._

He felt his new cut sting which was also being aggravated by the cold water. Although showering helped prevent infection, it kept the wound open for longer as he watched the water flow around him turn in to a weak crimson colour. Eventually his cut would start to heal over, but then it would be the time to start a new one. He hesitated because he didn't want to…

 _ **You are weak. A coward. Finish it!**_

Leonardo was startled.

 _Did I just say that to myself? For a moment it sounded like the Shredder…_

He shuddered but not from the cold. Shredder was dead! It was his mind playing tricks on him surely. The blue banded turtle had lost track of time and decided it was time to finish up. Although he knew he wasn't finished, he was too spooked to carry on. It was as if the Shredder was in the same room, watching over him.

 _It isn't real, it's just in my head._

 _ **How can you stand to look at yourself? Clawing at your flesh in the hope to regain control. Pitiful. Maybe I should have been merciful and put you out of your misery.**_

 _You're not real. You're finished!_

Although Shredder's voice had now disappeared, Leonardo wondered how long his imagination was going to plague him.

 _It's just my imagination. Right?_

…


	3. Chapter 3

Once Raphael returned from his patrol the next morning, he unsurprisingly saw his older brother up and about, already washing his cup of peppermint tea. He was always first to rise and, as far as the red banded brother was aware, last to turn in for the night.

 _Typical of fearless. Always trying to be the strong one._

He knew their father's passing was difficult for them all to accept, however fearless was once again portraying a brave face. Although he was the one that often helped his brothers to open up if they needed to, he rarely, if ever, released his own burdens.

"Hey Leo!" Raph shouted from across the lair. Leonardo sighed, knowing that Raph had only just returned from an all-nighter yet again. He turned and folded his arms in dismay.

"Just got back from the surface did you, Raph?"

"What's it to you? And why do you still wear those black coverings? Shred head's gone, ya know." Leonardo flinched as Raphael started to tread on eggshells.

"Karai says they suit me." _Plausible_ – thought Leonardo.

"Why do you insist on patrolling the city on your own every night?" Leonardo retorted quickly to evade the subject.

"I do not **insist** on anything! You're the one that's driving us crazy with your daily mandatory chores and routines. We are not turtle tots anymore!"

"You do what you need to do, Raphael. Just please be safe out there."

"Safe?! There's nothing going on in the city! No Kraang, no rampaging mutants, no Tiger Claw or those other goons. Not even purple dragons. Heck I'd give anything for a fight out there."

"There's always something going on. You just need to look."

"What are you implying?" Both the elder turtles looked over to the presence that had now entered the kitchen. It was Donatello who had dropped in for another stimulating cup of coffee. He looked more withdrawn than normal with his head hanging down and hunched posture, eyes sunk in dark rings. If Leo hadn't kept up their training exercises there probably wouldn't be any muscle to hold up his skinny frame.

"Ah, look who has risen from his coffin."

"Not funny, Raph. 'Scuse me, Leo." Donatello clumsily sidestepped Leonardo towards the kettle.

"Sorry Donnie. Training at 9 as usual guys. I'll meet you in the dojo."

"Yeah yeah. Good luck waking Mikey up."

"Weren't you out all night? Aren't you tired?" Questioned Donatello.

"I don't need rest. I'd still beat your shell in the dojo."

"Whatever hothead…" Donatello had no energy to care, propping himself up on the counter.

As the eldest walked out of the room he wondered whether he should visit Karai. He felt guilty that he hadn't seen her recently, but he didn't want her to know how he really felt - the ongoing struggle of pain, guilt and shame, one that he could not share with his brothers. He had always been honest with her, but he didn't want to risk anything slip.

As he walked up to Michaelangelo's door, he paused before intending to knock, listening intently to their youngest peacefully snoring. He envied his brother's ability to sleep deeply for so long - or that's what he thought anyway. He was certain his most cheerful brother was also putting on a brave face in light of the grief that threatened to consume them all every day. He knew it was inevitable, but he had to help his brothers through this.

Leonardo regretfully turned away to retreat to his own room, going against his instincts in waking his younger brother from his slumber and dragging him out to the dojo for their scheduled training session.

 _A few more minutes wouldn't hurt…_

He placed his katanas on a stand nearby and flopped backwards on his bed - breathing deeply and trying not to conjure up any thoughts whilst staring at his ceiling.

 _The room suddenly swirled and blurred as the world went dark. The leader sat up abruptly and surveyed his surroundings. The only light was the one sneaking through the cracks of his doorframe. Leonardo weakly stood up and began to walk towards it, but before he could turn the handle, he felt his heart stop as the door opened to reveal a familiar lair. It was not their safe haven of home but the shadowed and eerie lair that belonged to their nemesis. It was more of a dungeon than a lair despite having windows, Leo thought. He also pondered what the lair looked like during the day as the turtles had never infiltrated the lair in daylight. As he traced the two rippling pools running along the walkway, he stopped in his tracks as his blood froze. Trapped in the Shredder's chair was a weak and crimpled frame. Michaelangelo was almost unrecognisable. Darkened patches of skin had erupted across his body from both the pools of blood that had formed under his skin and numerous cuts - all in various stages of healing. His brother's head hung low in his unconscious state. Leonardo hoped that it was a relief from the obvious torture his brother had endured._

 _ **Take one more step and I'll prolong his misery.**_

 _The Shredder's deep and penetrating voice echoed throughout the lair and pierced the blue banded turtle like knives. Shredder stepped out from behind his throne to crouch over the youngest. Leonardo unsheathed his katanas._

" _Don't hurt him! I'm the one you want. You can have me instead."_

" _I already have you, you wretched terrapin. Can you not see I already have you under my control? You would not risk the life of your brother."_

" _Let him go, and I'll take his place."_

" _Your strength is an illusion. You would not stand to fight me again."_

" _I would do anything to make you pay for what you did to my family."_

" _HA! You and I are more alike than you think."_

" _I AM NOTHING LIKE YOU! You're a monster who wants nothing but self-gratifying revenge."_

" _I am not the one fantasising the demise of his enemy in a heroic stance."_

" _Then let us end this!"_

" _You will destroy your family."_

 _Before Leonardo could take a step, his enemy pulled back his brother's head and held his mouth open. The leader watched in horror as the Shredder plunged one of his blades in to his brother's screaming orifice. The screaming then turned in to a horrifying squelch noise which was then drowned out by choking and sobbing. His brother struggled in a desperate attempt to take in oxygen with his severed tongue and blood blocking his trachea as Shredder continued to pull his head back. Leonardo could see Michaelangelo's knuckles glistening white as he clutched on to the throne's arm rests. His body simultaneously contorted in agony._

" _NOOOO! LET HIM GO!" Leonardo launched himself forward but the Shredder blocked the oncoming attack using his victim. Before Leonardo could retract his blade, he was met with the terrified and bloodied face of his youngest brother as he was propelled forward. His baby brother couldn't even scream or call out his name…His katana felt uncomfortably heavy and he felt violently sick seeing the blade protruding from his brother's shell. Leonardo's body began to shake; his legs buckled, unable to take the weight of his sword where his brother rested on the hilt. He carefully placed his dying brother on the floor before collapsing on all fours in horror._

" _No…Mikey…"_

 _He tried to stem the heavy blood flow from his brother's plastron with his belt and bandana but to no avail as the fabric quickly became soaked in the precious red fluid his brother was rapidly losing. He watched as his brother gasped for each molecule of oxygen he could muster._

" _Not again. I can't do this again. Mikey, hang in there. PLEASE, HOLD ON! I'M SORRY!"_

 _He begged for help to come. He begged for this to stop whilst he held his trembling brother in his arms and rocked him gently as he sobbed._

 _But help did not come…_

 _As Michaelangelo's body finally stopped shaking, Leonardo knew it was over for him. Losing his father and his youngest brother made him question his own life. He grabbed his second katana and placed it against his own plastron, wanting to suffer the same pain and fate his brother had succumbed to._

" _I…I…I can't do this anymore. I can't protect anyone. ANYONE."_

Leonardo sat up in horror, perspiring profusely whilst being on the verge of hyperventilating. Although he was relieved it was a dream, it felt horrifically real. He felt exhausted but was too frightened to fall asleep again. As he felt his plastron and tried to calm his breathing, the stress on his heart suddenly increased when he heard heavy banging on his door.

"Yo Leo, you coming or what? 9am you said."

Leonardo frantically looked round for his clock which was now on the floor.

"Umm, yeah, I'll be there in a minute."

"Whatever. Even Mikey's waiting." The huge feeling of relief that his brother was still alive was quickly overridden by anguish. He thought if he cancelled training his brothers would find it suspicious. The leader listened intently for the heavy footsteps of his hot headed brother to leave the vicinity before collapsing back on the bed. He squirmed as he felt the damp sheets coat his body. The uncomfortable sensation forced him to leap back off the bed and rapidly change his wrappings/bandages before rushing to the dojo for training, pushing aside his feelings of exhaustion, nausea and dizziness.


	4. Chapter 4

"Anytime today, oh fearless Leader."

Said turtle shrugged off the snide remark from the hothead and continued to set the session in motion. Despite his exhaustion he wanted to get started.

"Okay guys. In today's training we'll be working on defence instead of offence. The aim is to throw your opponent off balance in close combat and to take advantage of the situation."

"As I've said before, and I think you should heed my words of wisdom this time, the more you sweat in practice, the less you bleed in battle."

"Weapons can't stop all attacks. We'll work on weapons training another time - and no, those aren't _your_ words of wisdom."

"Well that's no fun…"

"No, you're right, Raph. It isn't. But everything is impermanent, and we have to make the best of it. Now pair up with Donnie. You'll be defending first."

"Urgh…"

"Without your weapons."

"WHAT?!"

"Now, Raphael." Raphael reluctantly placed his sais on the ground. In all honesty he felt somewhat naked without them.

"Donnie, attack him with your bo staff."

"But…he's going to hurt me, isn't he?" Donatello was hesitant in proceeding, shrinking behind his weapon whilst grasping it tightly. Raphael had a giant chip on his shell already…

"You'll be fine, Don. When you swap positions you'll get to pummel him anyway."

* * *

Donatello charged towards Raphael who took a defensive stance, arms up blocking his chest area. He dodged Donatello's first swing and immediately grabbed hold of the bo staff above Donatello's hand and kicked Donatello hard in the plastron. The purple banded brother fell back and lay winded on the course floor. He rubbed his front to stem the flow of pain.

"Raph. We're working on close combat. You have to let Donnie get closer."

"Why should it matter? I got 'im away from me. I defended myself." At that moment Donatello angrily propelled himself into his older brother's personal space, pushing the bo staff on to Raph's throat as he pinned him to the floor.

"That's more like it." Leonardo couldn't help but sneer. Raphael struggled to keep his hands under the bo staff to stop himself from being strangled but he knew he couldn't keep this up for long as his flexed upper arms started to shake. He tried to kick Donatello's legs out from underneath him, but to no avail. His brother, despite his skinny looking frame, was made of pure muscle. Raphael was allowed no movement to throw him to one side or the other. He also didn't have enough leg room to land another kick in his attacker's plastron in order to push him back.

"That's enough Donnie. He's not getting out of there."

Donatello quickly looked over to the eldest and back again with a wry expression. Raphael fumed in response to his brother's mocking.

"Mikey, what did Raph not do?"

"Huh?" Michaelangelo was quietly sitting cross-legged across the dojo, caught off guard by the question in response to what he had just witnessed. _Donnie beat Raph?_

"Uh, he didn't win? Ah haha!" Michaelangelo couldn't help but chuckle.

"No, Mikey. He was too cocky and wasn't prepared for Donnie's surprise attack. Raph, Donnie had most of his weight on your front, but you have great strength. You could have retracted your head in to your shell, rocked backwards - causing him to lose balance and fall forwards."

"Well I'm sorry I'm not being such a forward thinker and perfect as you, Leo. I had a bo staff to my neck and I tried to get 'im off."

"Not hard enough. You need to think with both your head and your instincts. Try again." Raphael cracked his knuckles but managed to stifle his outburst of cursing.

"Mikey, your turn to attack me."

Michaelangelo quickly hopped over and practiced whirling his nunchucks in preparation for training. As Leonardo psyched himself up for the attack, he became slightly disorientated by the fog that began to shroud his peripheral vision. Between the two bright flashes that cut across his forward vision, his younger brother's face was temporarily replaced by the face from his nightmare that morning. He couldn't forget the petrified and innocent eyes of his brother in distress; his foaming crimson mouth that frantically tried to cry out for help as he was thrown towards the leader's exposed katana. He desperately tried to blink the frozen picture away. Leonardo's knees buckled as he became unstable and distracted. Suddenly he felt a hot stab of pain cut across above his right eye and he crashed against the cold hard floor of the dojo, holding his head with his hand. He felt the presence of his brothers next to him as well as warm fluid on his palm without opening his eyes.

"Leo, are you alright?"

"Bro, I'm really sorry." Michaelangelo placed an arm on his brother's shell, hoping that his brother would forgive him for clocking him on the head with a nunchuck.

"Hah! Don't be sorry Mikey. As Leo said this is a defence class. And he failed. You're a failure just like me. Who'da thought." The others could see Raphael was clearly digging at Leo for embarrassing him earlier.

"Let it go, Raph! Leo, can I take a look?"

"I'll be fine. I'm gonna wash up. We're done for today." Leonardo quickly summoned up the courage to dash for the exit. Donatello turned to their youngest.

"Mikey, what happened?"

"He just…froze…I thought maybe he'd stop me at the last second. You know what he's like. I feel so bad."

"Don't feel bad, Mikey. It wasn't your fault. I'll check up on him in a minute. But something's definitely not right." Donatello looked concerned as he traced his brother's steps to the exit and paused for thought.

* * *

As Leonardo rushed for the bathroom, Raphael's comment of him being a failure echoed in his mind. Leo slammed the door in anger and propped himself up on the sink, head hanging low. He then focused on the throbbing he felt across his head. Looking in to the mirror he saw nothing but a shroud of his former self. He looked weary and pale and spotted the deep but small gash above his right eye. He felt he deserved it and felt his heart clench in angst at what he wanted to do.

As he pulled out one of his tanto blades (but not his personal one) he suddenly noticed one of his bandages was difficult to pull off. A previous wound had opened up and started healing but had trapped part of the bandage. He felt the fabric pull against the newly formed skin which made him feel nauseous. Fearing it would get infected and that he would have to tell at least Donnie of his shameful secret, he tried to prise back the blood stained wrapping. He hoped no one noticed since the wrappings were black. The wound opened up again and drops of blood fell in to the sink. It was deeper than what Leonardo had remembered. He didn't have the courage to stitch this up himself. Donnie was the expert in that respect. He always fixed them up when any of them had substantial injuries.

"Leo, are you okay in there?" Leonardo's eyes suddenly sprinted to the door to check it was locked. The feeling of dread flooded his mind as he quickly ran the tap and placed the dishevelled wrappings in a nearby bin. Fortunately for Leo he always carried spares, both for mishaps whilst on patrol and for personal use.

"Yeah, I'll be out in a minute. Just finishing up."

"Okay, well, I'll wait here until you're done. Wanted to make sure you didn't have a concussion and had passed out on the floor." Leonardo frowned. He knew Donatello wasn't leaving until he had checked his head. He tried to wipe most of the specks of blood that had dried on his skin, but sighed frustratingly as the frantic rubbing was causing more of his head to turn red and making the area look worse.

Leonardo unlocked the door and was greeted by the friendly but concerned face of Donatello.

"Ouch Leo. I think that's gonna need stitches."

"It's not that bad." Donatello tried to grab Leo's arm who instinctively pulled away, fearing he would touch his bad arm.

"Alright! I'll come with you." Donatello was somewhat flabbergasted at his brother's hostility at being touched. More theories and thoughts went through his mind, so Leo quickly moved towards Don's lab to keep his brother happy. He wanted this to be over as soon as possible…

* * *

Donatello pulled up a seat near to Leo who looked withdrawn but focused on something.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Leo felt as if his heart had suddenly shot up to his throat which he quickly swallowed back down.

"About what?"

"About what happened in the dojo. It's not like you to get distracted in training."

"I wasn't…distracted…I was…tired. I've not been sleeping well."

"Why do you think I've been on these?" Donatello shook a bottle of sleeping pills from a nearby table.

"Donnie, I don't think that's the answer."

"I don't think it is either, but sometimes we don't see past our own reasoning. Sometimes we need to admit to ourselves that we need help."

"What are you saying, Don?" Leonardo backed off Donatello's hand that had been wiping Leo's forehead clean.

"What I'm saying is that what we are all going through right now, we shouldn't go through it alone. We're all here for each other. You're here for us, right?"

"Of course, Donnie. I'm here for all of you."

"Do you not think that we're here for you?"

"No, of course not! I just…"Leonardo looked doubtful, not knowing what to say next. Donatello leaned in closer.

"Look, I get it. I really do. But please, if there's something you need to let out…" Unfortunately for Donatello, Leonardo shrunk away from him even further. The former took a deep breath.

"My door is always open. Just bring me coffee in case I'm not completely conscious." Leonardo smiled weakly and sat quietly whilst Donatello stitched up the small gash.

"Thanks Don."

"No problem."

But neither of them had the intention of opening up anytime soon.


	5. Chapter 5

As the blue banded brother left Donatello's lab, it was his peripheral vision that picked up a flash of red since the leader had no intention of making eye contact with his younger brother.

"All cleaned up I see."

"Yeah, Donnie helped fix me up."

"Great. Ya wanna spa? I mean, we didn't even get started before you took a blow to the head. I was surprised that Mikey managed to clock ya."

"Hehe. He has his moments."

"You sure you wanna do this?"

"I'm fine, let's just go."

"Alright then, and about time!"

* * *

Their sparring match started as somewhat concentrated but tense as neither of them said a word. In Raphael's mind he wished his brother would show some sort of emotion other than being the distant fearless leader he portrayed. In Leonardo's mind he wished he was back in his room to focus on blocking the thoughts of his brothers judging him for letting them down in their morning practice.

After 20 minutes of sparring in the dojo, the rule for the absence of words was finally broken.

"I can't understand why you still wear those." Raphael clearly indicated the leader's coverings.

"It doesn't matter."

"Well, clearly it does since my question is bothering you so much."

"Whatever, Raph. You're just trying to get under my skin like you always do."

"And it seems to be working. It seems to be the only thing we can do that gets a response from you nowadays. C'mon Leo, it's like you've got no soul, no fire. Where's that warrior spirit?"

"Buried..." Leonardo muttered.

"What was that, Fearless?"

"Nothing."

"Pfft. As always, you don't have the guts to say what you wanna say, or what you need to say, especially now that sensei no longer has your back."

Leonardo quelled the flood of anger that threatened to envelop him and summoned every ounce of courage to stop the oncoming flow of tears. He clutched his katana tightly as his whole body tensed up, including his chest which began to constrict. It was as if the Shredder himself was squeezing his heart.

 _I'm not ready for this…_

Leonardo stood up straight, relaxing his posture and pointed his katana to the ground, clearly offering a forfeit.

"I think we're done here."

"No, we're not!"

Raphael quickly dropped his weapons and raced towards his target as Leonardo's heart rose in fear in response to a sudden flashback of stabbing Michaelangelo earlier in his dream. Taking in to account his brother's safety, he immediately dropped his precious katana and raised his arms in a defensive stance. The enraged turtle charged into his brother, successfully knocking both to the ground where the fight continued. Leo's attacks were entirely in self-defence in a desperate and rather fickle attempt to stop the fight.

Despite the regular training exercises they had maintained, Raphael was surprised at how weakly his brother resisted. Unfortunately for the eldest, Raphael currently had the advantage. He was now pinned down on his front and defenceless as Raphael held his left arm in a tight grip behind his back, both breathing heavily from the ongoing struggle.

"I know what it's like. We were all there when that son of a bitch murdered Splinter before we went back in time."

 _No, I don't want to hear any more._

"And the last time…I was there, Leonardo. I was there when it happened. You weren't."

 _No…I wasn't_

Raphael released a long deep breath he was holding once he realised his brother wasn't going to say another word. As Raphael was about to let go of the leader's limb, he heard and felt a sickening pop radiate from the shoulder as Leo's arm gave way by an inch.

"GAAHHHH…UGH, STOP!"

"Leo! Bro, I'm sorry!" Horrified by his actions Raphael quickly retracted all body contact as Leo slumped against the floor. From the angle the dark emerald coloured turtle stood, the leader's arm looked uncomfortably out of place, almost deformed.

"Shit! It looks like your shoulder is dislocated. Isn't that the same shoulder as the one Shredder messed up from the fight?"

Leonardo carefully sat up and winced as he cradled his weakened limb that was now tucked against his plastron. He also bent his head down as far as it would go and began to rock ever so slightly backwards and forwards. Raphael silently knelt down and suddenly recognised that his brother's breathing was becoming quicker.

"Leo, you alright? Say something." He tried to peer under the now shaking turtle to see if he could get his brother's attention, but to no avail.

"Shit…" Raphael quietly cursed to himself.

"Don't move. I'll get Donnie."

Despite feeling short of breath the hunched turtle refused to move from where he sat, not intentionally following Raph's order. He felt he deserved the discomfort that was radiating from his chest and separated joint.

 _ **Your brothers inflict the wounds upon you as I did before.**_

 _They didn't mean to. My brothers would never harm me._

 _ **Oh, but they did. You try to hide your weaknesses, but your family see you as the failure that you are. You cannot lie to yourself.**_

 _They shouldn't have to see me like this. Why did I have to let my guard down?_

 _ **Trapped in your own guilt, like a rat in a trap. The more you struggle, the more confined you feel. How fitting.**_

* * *

Donatello quickly sprinted over from the exit of the dojo with Raphael in tail. Leonardo was true to Raphael's command in that he hadn't moved.

"What happened? He only left me a few minutes ago."

"Donnie, just help him, quick!"

Donatello knelt down and visually scanned his brother who had now folded in on himself, still clutching his injured shoulder. His emerald green skin was unarguably paler - a noticeable contrast to his blue bandana that was gradually soaking up beads of cold sweat.

"No no no don't touch him." Donatello batted Raphael's hand away that was reaching out for the leader's shell.

"What's wrong with him, Donnie?"

"I think he's having a panic attack."

"Leo doesn't have panic attacks."

"At least that we know of. Leo? Can you hear me?" Donatello looked for any sign of recognition but saw no change.

"Raph, what happened before this started?"

"We were just sparring. Then talking. Then more fighting."

"Did he say anything to you just before?"

"No, not really."

"Huh. The shoulder I can take care of, but what we're looking at is something that runs much deeper."

"Well, fearless has never been one to open up about anythin'. That's what I was tryin' to get at before this happened."

"Yeah, I'm sure…" Donatello was not so sure as he knew Raphael wasn't the best diplomat in the city.

"Go get Mikey."

"Are ya sure that's a good idea? He might freak out."

"It also might help Leo to calm down if he can hear more familiar voices talking to him."

"I think Mikey left the lair to visit Casey. I'll give him a call."

"No, never mind Raph. On second thought it's probably best that he doesn't see Leo like this. I'll talk to him later."

"What d'you want me to do?"

"Right now? Nothing."

"What?! No, I'm not just gonna stand around here doing nothin'."

"If on the high probability you did trigger this attack, I don't want to risk making this worse."

"I didn't do anything! Okay I admit I may have gone overboard when talking to him about Splinter - and accidentally ripped his shoulder out..."

"Well, that was a wise move(!) Grieving takes time."

"He's had time. We've all had time."

"And it takes a lot of courage to face it and find a way to work through it. Clearly we've made assumptions and overlooked Leo's inner turmoil. I'm worried he's near breaking point."

"He should have come to us."

"Fighting isn't going to help this! Now shut up whilst I try to get through to Leo."

"No, shellferbrains, a minute ago you said I should get Mikey so that we could all talk to him."

"No, brainiac, that's not what I said. By the way I hope you detected the obvious sarcasm there."

* * *

 _ **Listen to them. Arguing. It amuses me that you are the cause of their misery.**_

 _They care about me, even though they probably shouldn't._

 _ **Hmm, they might actually miss you if I let you go now.**_

 _What do you mean if you let me go? I can go whenever I want._

 _ **What I'm saying is that it would be too easy if you took your own life now. Perhaps there's more fun to be had with you.**_

 _You're wrong! I'm not going to take my own life. My brothers need me. I'm done listening to you._

 _ **Very well. But I'm sure you will see things differently soon enough.**_


	6. Chapter 6

"Leo?"

 _That voice…_

"Leo? It's me. Donnie. If you can hear me, try to focus on your breathing and take some sloooow deep breaths."

 _Shell, my chest hurts…_

"How long is this gonna last?"

"Raph, shut up. Panic attacks don't normally last long, but anything up to 20 minutes normally. We need to keep calm." Raphael huffed in response as Donatello leaned in closer to the terrapin ball of anguish.

"Everything's gonna be alright. You're safe. Nobody is gonna hurt you."

Leonardo honed in on his brother's hidden voice of concern which ironically he found calming. After some difficulty in taking some breaths, whilst hunched over with a constricted airway, he started to unfurl but continued to avoid eye contact.

"Heyyyy. There's our brother. It's going to be okay." Donatello desperately wanted to hold and comfort his brother, but his ongoing concern was that any physical contact would cause the eldest to have a relapse. He noticed his brother was still clutching his weakened arm, clenching his jaw and screwing up his face in response to the pain.

"Leo, I think you have a weakness in your shoulder from when the Shredder dislocated your arm. You're going to have to be a bit more careful in training."

 _ **There. You have it…even one of your own brothers say you now have a weakness.**_

Leonardo flinched in response.

"No no, it's ok. Remember when Mikey was eight he broke his ankle? Even though we told him to be extra careful, he still went off skateboarding. He took all sorts of risks when learning new tricks. Some were darn right dangerous - but he's had no problems since then. It's probably why he's so good at them. With some rest and then some strengthening exercises you should be fine." Leonardo continued to stare out in to an abyss Donatello couldn't see.

"I'll get you something for the pain, I promise. But I need you to trust me and come back to my lab. Then we can re-set your arm - and afterwards you'll feel much more comfortable. Can you do that?"

As overwhelming as the feelings of anxiety and shame were, Leonardo had no strength left to flee. His energy had been sapped out of him. He nodded and begrudgingly allowed his younger brother to guide him to his feet. However he shrunk inwards as he felt both his brothers staring at him – judging him for being so helpless.

 _I can't let them see me like this._

Leonardo's stride suddenly became more confident as he held himself upright and tall, regaining the posture of their leader as he headed for Donatello's laboratory. Raphael shrugged in response to his younger brother's questioning look.

* * *

The leader briefly cried out as his shoulder was set back in to its correct position, and he gratefully accepted a pack of ice Donatello handed to him as he massaged his shoulder. As he peered over his shoulder he quickly scanned over the wrappings on his arms for any obvious tears or signs of bleeding. Thankfully he saw nothing noticeable.

Leonardo then looked over to the one who inflicted his new found pain. His attacker was looking somewhat tense and obviously tried hard not to look in the leader's direction. As Leonardo turned to watch Donatello wrap his arm in a sling, he overheard a subtle comment.

"Pfft. Pussy." Leonardo was taken aback by his brother's comment.

"Excuse me?"

"Huh?" Raphael finally faced him but acted like nothing happened.

"What did you just say?"

"Bro I didn't say anythin'. I think Mikey clocked ya too hard." Leonardo forced himself off the cot and quickly marched up to the red banded turtle. Fortunately his medic had already finished wrapping up his damaged limb.

"If you want to say something Raph say it to my face!"

"Leo! What the heck is wrong with you? I didn't say nothin'!"

"Like hell you didn't."

"You need to lay off this attitude bro, it isn't like you."

"Stop calling me 'bro'! You did this to me!"

"Look I said I was sorry, alright?" Raphael was surprised at how unforgiving the leader was, and how quickly he lost his temper. He watched carefully as Leo's chest heaved, fearing his brother would suddenly explode, or potentially have another attack.

"Fine." Leo decided to take a breather and began to walk out the door. However, just within earshot he heard his brothers talking between themselves after he left their line of sight.

"Figures…"

"Don't worry, it's just attention seeking. He'll soon grow out of it."

 _Obviously they thought I was out of range._

"Well he'd better. I can't stand his moping around. He's no fun, and fighting him ain't much of a challenge any more. He's become weak. Maybe someone else should take over?"

"I agree. We'll talk to Mikey when he gets back."

 _No, they can't be saying that about me. They wouldn't. What the shell? One minute they support me, the next…they don't care…_

 _ **See how quickly they try to cast you aside.**_

 _This makes no sense. Raph I can understand, but Donnie?_

 _ **You believe you have always outdone yourself, and yet your brothers now question your actions.**_

 _You know nothing. Why won't you leave me alone?_

 _ **Why? Because you need someone to set you on the right path now that your rat master is gone, to believe in you. Clearly you are not the leader your brothers hoped you would be. They have such expectations, and you obviously cannot suffice them.**_

 _I've led them this far haven't I?_

 _ **Perhaps, but does it not concern you that they suddenly doubt your actions? Why don't you prove them wrong? Set things straight, and show them you**_ _ **can**_ _ **lead this shamble of a so-called team. Maybe it is them that are failing you.**_

 _I…I never thought of it that way._

 _ **Indeed**_

 _NO! My brothers have always had my back. They didn't fail me – I failed them!_

 _ **I grow tired of your impudence. Will you not see reason? They want one of their own to take your place. See it this way: had they listened to your instincts about staying together before you reluctantly agreed to separate, would Hamato Yoshi still be alive?**_

 _They were following orders._

 _ **But they were not**_ _ **your**_ _ **orders. Even if you weren't so cowardly in leading them, they would still undermine your orders.**_

 _Well if that's the case, then things need to change around here…_

* * *

"Grab your weapons." Leonardo suddenly raced back in to Donatello's laboratory, startling both turtles. Frustratingly for Donatello his patient had already removed his aid for recovery.

"What? Leo where's your sling? Your shoulder needs to recover."

"You said it yourself…some strengthening exercises would help. A little training isn't going to hurt, is it? Or should it?" Leonardo unsheathed his katana, eyes narrowed as he glared at them dangerously.

"Leo…"

"Leave it Donnie! Fearless needs to prove a point - one I'm only too happy to oblige." Raphael grinned as he took a step forward and pulled out his sai.

The fight between the oldest brothers started immediately within Donatello's laboratory as said turtle watched in horror.

 _This shouldn't be happening_ he thought.

Whilst Raphael relished in a fight, he noticed that his brother was more determined in his strikes in this round. Some were admittedly too close for comfort. Raphael dodged them just in time before getting slashed across the face by Leonardo's blades, however blocking the frequent and ferocious attacks were beginning to take their toll. Donatello shouted from across the room in fear of his immediate brother's safety.

"Guys, that's enough!"

Raphael struggled as his legs gave way and Leonardo pinned him down on his shell. His precious sai were the only defence in preventing his head from getting diced.

"You know what fearless? I don't wanna play this…grrr…twisted…game…anymore."

"Why do you always belittle me?" Leonardo's anger bared down on Raphael heavier than the force against his plastron.

"Think of it…as encouragement. You always wanna to be the top turtle."

"And yet I am not! You guys don't think I have what it takes to be a leader anymore." A confused Raphael paused temporarily in his physical struggle to decipher what Leo meant by what he just said.

"What're you talkin' about?"

"I have always been there for you, and this is how you treat me?"

"Leo, you're not making sense. Let's talk about this." Donatello cautiously approached his mentally unstable brother.

"I want my team to treat me with the respect that I have for them."

"You call pinning down your brother respect?" Donatello interjected.

"You said I was weak!"

"No, that's not what I said. I said you potentially have a weakness from when the Shredder ripped your arm out."

"That's the same thing!"

"But it isn't!"

"Oh I'll show you weakness, Leo…"

"Raph, DON'T!"

Raphael trusted his strength and timing in reaching out and pulling down on the leader's weakened arm – hard! He successfully heard the sickening pop he wanted and took advantage of Leo's painful distraction in rising back on his feet. Whilst trying to counter a provoked attack, the leader aggressively kicked from behind, forcing Raphael's knees to buckle once again. The red banded turtle was suddenly pushed face first in to the ground; his heart surged to his mouth as he felt both sai being ripped from his tight grip.

When Donatello jumped forward to intervene, he was unexpectedly elbowed in the chest and sent flying backwards. What he saw next hurt a lot more than the initial blow he had suffered.

There was a blood curdling scream as Raphael felt one of his sai being plunged in to his left hand. Leonardo felt a small vibration resonate through the blade as it hit the concrete below the soft flesh and bone it destroyed. Raphael tried his best to muffle the cursing by shoving his face in to the floor, hoping it would help him to block the searing pain coursing through his hand.

"Now you know…what it feels like Raph…to have a weakness…"

"Leo! STOP THIS!"

Leonardo ignored Donatello's outburst and sneered as he playfully twisted the sai embedded in Raphael's hand, prolonging his victim's pain and contentedly watch him squirm. Leonardo's victim tried to grasp on to something with his other hand in desperation and swallowed dryly as he watched a small puddle of dark blood form underneath his palm. His blood ran cold as his brother knelt down to his level and whispered:

"Be careful what you wish for, brother."

* * *

 **Author: Shredder's really messing with Leo's mind :) Sorry for the long wait!**


	7. Chapter 7

The eldest closed his eyes and violently shook his head, emerging from a daze. Squinting through the fog that engulfed his vision, his blood ran cold as he saw an unsettling and familiar reflection in the pool of blood that had formed on the floor. However, recognising where the crimson fluid was coming from frightened him even more.

"No…"

His hand abruptly retracted from the blade embedded in Raphael's hand. Rising in fear of what he had done, he quickly and carefully reversed away from the scene whilst blocking the look of horror from Donatello.

As Leonardo sprinted away, Donatello rushed over to his injured brother.

"Raph? Are you okay?"

*Cough* "Does it look like I'm okay?" Raphael coughed harshly and winced from his pulsating wound.

"Don't move. I have to take this out carefully so as not to damage any more of the surrounding tissue."

"Let me do you a favour."

"Raph, NO!"

"AAAARRGHH! Sh…shell!" The red banded turtle cried out as he ripped the blade back through what was left of the local undamaged tissues. Donatello immediately applied pressure to both sides of Raphael's injured hand with a cloth, successfully predicting that Raphael was going to pull out the blade. Shock and adrenaline helped aid the injured turtle to a sitting position.

"Raph, you need to lie down!"

"Donnie! Go after 'im." Donatello cringed in response to his brother's display of agony.

"Raph, I'm not leaving you. You'll lose a lot of blood if I don't stem the blood flow right now."

"I'll be fine. GO! Leo may go after Mikey next."

"You must be delirious - Leo's our brother. He wouldn't!"

"You saw…what he did. We…can't…take that risk…" Raphael struggled to speak.

Donatello had an impossible choice – Raph or Mikey? Michaelangelo had no idea of his brother's current mental state. If he found Leo there would be no telling what would happen. But Raphael needed medical help. Without immediate assistance he could continue to lose more blood if Leo had hit an artery, or potentially develop an infection – which if left untreated could turn in to something worse and life threatening. Donatello quickly grabbed a large, clean dressing from one of his first aid cabinets and winced as Raphael shrieked from the extreme pressure applied to his injured hand.

"Raph? Listen to me - squeeze your hand like this, keep it above your chest and don't let go. I'm sorry it hurts but it is important you don't ease any pressure. Keep a strong grip. Can you do that?"

The red banded turtle shuddered as he deeply exhaled and nodded.

"I'll be back. I promise!"

"Donnie?!"

The younger brother looked back in angst as he reached out for his bo staff.

"Be careful."

* * *

Leonardo slammed his door shut and jammed one of his katana in the frame to prevent anyone from charging in. He held his head in his hands and continued to hyperventilate in shock at what he had done.

 _ **Why do you hide? You had the advantage**_

 _This can't be happening! Please, no! I would never…_

 _ **But you did! You have always had it in you**_

 _You MADE me_

 _ **You've always had that potential. If only your precious rat master were here to witness what you have done**_

 _What I have done is unforgiveable. I have dishonoured my family._

 _ **Did it feel good to witness your brother's suffering? To share pain? I guess for you it makes a pleasant change from watching your last beloved memory of Hamato Yoshi. Seeing him fall to his demise over and over…**_

Leonardo had no control over his dreams, nor his recent nightmares, so almost every night the Shredder would torment him even in his unconscious state by replaying his Sensei's murder. Sometimes he toyed with him more by placing Leonardo in Shredder's place to watch first hand.

 _My brothers will never forgive me for this. But…at least I can do one last thing for them._

 _ **And what is that?**_

 _I will not let you hold revenge on my brothers as you have had on me._

 _ **How do you know I do not already influence your brothers?**_

 _Sensei, forgive me for what I'm about to do, but I can't let my brothers suffer any more…_

 _ **Turtle…**_

 _..._

 _ **Answer me**_

Leonardo stared at his reflection in the mirror to focus on his cursed inner soul. In an attempt to block out the Shredder's voice, he began to meditate - honing in on the memory of defeating the Shredder's physical form once again.

 _ **You**_ _ **will**_ _ **hear me**_

The leader responded in breaking the mirror in a frantic attempt to break the spiritual connection between the Shredder and himself.

Now staring in to the flickering candles, Leonardo felt heat prickle against his skin as he scoured the rooftop for his nemesis once again, successfully returning to a meditative state.

 _ **You've been a thorn in my side long enough.**_

Leonardo cried out and clasped his head as a hot searing pain racked his mind. There was only one thing that could get him back on track. Subconsciously pulling out his personal tanto blade he began to dig in to his left forearm which was still limp from his encounter with Raphael. Leonardo had to dig deeper to feel the familiar sensation since his dislocated shoulder was affecting his circulation.

The next wave of excruciating pain suddenly emanated from his weakened shoulder as the Shredder strangled and twisted the limb. Leonardo then almost passed out from reliving the number of impacts his chest suffered thereafter. Feeling powerless from the beating, his concentration began to falter. His weary eyes wanted to close for the last time when a familiar voice summoned him.

 _Leonardo. Fear nothing._

 _I do not fear you._

"Leo? Are you okay in there?"

Leonardo tried hard to block out the muffled voice of his concerned brother on the other side of the door.

"Please, open the door, Leo. We can talk about this."

 _Donnie, I can't. I'm sorry. I have to stop him. Stop him from hurting us. It's the only way._

 _ **Stop this now, otherwise your brothers will be next!**_

 _NO! Stop this PLEASE! Leave my brothers out of this._

 _ **Whether I stop or not, I win.**_

 _ **Either…**_

 _ **You could do the noble thing and protect your brothers by surrendering yourself to me, in which case I will stay within your mind for as long, or as short, as you live…**_

 _ **Or you can die here and now, succumbing to your wish of everlasting peace, from there I will simply move on to torment one of your brothers. You would have no influence in which I choose.**_

"Leo! Open the door!"

 _ **What will your choice be?**_

Donatello slammed himself against the door which eventually gave way. He figured his brother had attempted to barricade it somehow. As he recovered his balance he was horrified at what he saw. Leonardo sat in the middle of the floor with shards of glass in front and a tanto blade in his right hand with a slick coat of red from a recent victim. Before he could say a word, Leo suddenly fell backwards and collapsed on to the floor, clawing at his head. Donatello froze in fear when he heard an unrecognisable cry of anguish that emanated from his brother's mouth. As his brother continued to scream, his back arched awkwardly whilst unintentionally turning on his side away from Donatello. The second youngest longed for this to be over. He felt hypnotised and powerless watching his vulnerable brother visibly straining to contain more outcries just before his body began to convulse. As Donatello cautiously knelt down to manoeuvre a blanket he found nearby under his brother's head, he spotted the blood that had seeped from the deep cuts the elder had inflicted on his own forearm to the floor. Donatello was too preoccupied though to notice that the new blood had also coated his brother's arm that hid previous self-harming wounds.

"Oh Leo…I'm so sorry."

It was an agonising wait for Donatello to watch his brother's uncontrollable spasms. He knew it was important to keep back and not to make contact during his seizure.

"This is all my fault."


	8. Chapter 8

Leonardo wearily opened his eyes, thankful that the Shredder's voice had once again gone – for now.

 _What am I doing on the floor? Did I pass out?_

"Leo?"

The leader froze in shock at how unaware he was in sensing the presence of his own family and cautiously turned towards the voice of concern.

"Wh-Donnie? You shouldn't be here." Leonardo winced from using his hoarse throat.

"We're not in Oz, Leo. We're in your room."

"Exactly! You shouldn't be in here."

"I was worried about you. We'reall worried about you."

"You should be worrying about Raph. Especially after…what I did…" Leonardo retracted from his brother.

"Leo, I don't want to alarm you, but you just had a seizure. You cut yourself."

Leonardo's heart raced.

 _I don't remember…What did he see?_

"I had some spare dressings so I wrapped up your arm to stop the bleeding, but it's only temporary. We need to get it looked at as well as reset your shoulder. The cuts are quite deep. You're lucky you didn't sever an artery." Fortunately for Donatello, the eldest didn't seem to realise his tanto blade was missing.

"I'll be fine. You should be looking after Raph."

"Leo - what happened up there? With the Shredder."

Leonardo tried hard not to resurrect the memories of the rooftop once again.

"I wasn't sure at first, but now that I see it…" Donatello pondered.

"…the symptoms you are presenting would indicate PTSD. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. This is serious." The eldest said nothing.

"I understand…why you hurt Raph. You must have been so…emotionally distressed. You lashed out because you were protecting yourself."

"He'll never forgive me." Leonardo quickly sat up facing away from his caring brother but immediately regretted said action when a dizzy spell hit him. He was still subconsciously tucking his left arm in to protect it.

"He's a tough turtle. He'll be fine, but right now I need you to come with me to the lab."

"Can't I just fix my arm here?"

Donatello frowned and mentally kicked himself. Of course Leo wouldn't want to go back to the lab. That's where Raph was…Returning to another traumatic event could have dire consequences.

 _Oh shell, Raph! I've been gone too long._

"Alright. Why don't you wait for me in the bathroom? I'll just get my med kit. I'll be back shortly, okay?"

"Sure." The weakened brother smiled weakly.

As Leonardo cautiously rose from the floor and walked out, Donatello frantically grabbed a bin, dustpan and brush from the kitchen and carefully picked up the larger pieces of glass from the bedroom floor. He feared that if in the likely chance of his brother returning to his room on his own, he could potentially harm himself once again.

* * *

Donatello fought hard against the decision to leave the eldest on his own for any length of time, however he knew Raphael needed immediate help. He prayed removing his brother from his room would prevent any triggers until he got back. When he reached his laboratory he was relieved to see Raphael hadn't moved. Or maybe that was a bad thing? Donatello knelt next to him and realised Raphael was unconscious; his head was bowed down but he was still holding his injured hand, now propped up on a stool to keep it there.

"Raph? Raph, c'mon buddy. Wake up." Shaking his brother proved unsuccessful.

"Please forgive me. Wake up!" The slap echoed in both turtles' ears.

"Owwwww. Donnie! Can't you see I'm in enough pain as it is?"

"Raph, I'm so sorry. I had to wake you. How are you feeling? Any nausea? Dizziness?"

"Apart from the fact I've been stabbed? Yeah…fantastic. In all seriousness I feel a little light headed, and sore on the jaw from where you slapped me. Thanks for the additional touch by the way."

"Well at least your sarcasm is intact. Good job on keeping your hand above your head."

"Aww gee thanks, Donnie. Shame I had to keep it there 'til I couldn't feel my butt anymore."

Donatello peeled back part of the cloth and was surprised but relieved the bleeding had stopped for now.

"Sorry! I didn't mean to leave you for so long. Leo took a bit longer to find than I would have liked."

"Why?" Raphael grunted.

"He…ran out the lair. Understandably upset. Found him in one of the sewer tunnels. Took a fall though so he didn't get far thankfully." Raphael pulled a face of disgust.

"Oh he's upset?!" Raphael was baffled.

"Where is he now?" The injured terrapin struggled to move from his current position for his body had become stiff in keeping his arm elevated. His legs also stuck to the floor from sweating profusely earlier.

"He's cleaning himself off in the bathroom."

"Are you sure he won't run out again?"

Donatello looked at him with uncertainty and said nothing. In all honesty, he really regretted leaving his eldest brother in such a vulnerable state – both of his brothers in fact, but he couldn't treat both of them simultaneously.

 _How could I have been so stupid…_

"Donnie, I really think you should check him over. I think he took a nasty blow that's messed with his head. Agh!"

"Raph, take it easy. I'm going to wrap your hand in a temporary cast for a few hours once I've cleaned and dressed the puncture wound properly. I can't afford you to rip the hole fully open again whilst the tissues start to heal."

"So I can't punch fearless with this hand?" Raphael smirked as he raised his damaged limb once again.

"Neither hand preferably. C'mon. Up we get."

Donatello helped Raphael to hobble towards a nearby cot and started to wipe down Raphael's puncture wound, much to his brother's agonising displeasure. After a large number of crimson stained wipes were disposed of, the scientist (or rather stand in doctor) confirmed a gruesome result. Sure enough, the blade had pierced right through the flesh and out the other side. The exit wound looked much more swollen than the entry wound.

 _I really hope this doesn't get infected. I'll have to procure some more antibiotics. I forgot to stock up after the incident with muckman. Maybe I can ask April to get some for me, or Mikey…_

"Wonder what messed him up so bad. It's not like him to freak out like that."

"You're taking this remarkably well, Raph. I'm impressed."

"Well something's definitely not right, Donnie. I mean, he got really mad when he thought we wanted to replace him as leader. I know I dig at him a lot about being the golden boy but this was overboard – and all that stuff about weakness?"

"Where did he get that idea?"

"And when we were fightin', it was like he was a different person. More determined… and lethal…"

"Hmmm I know what you mean. I'll try to talk to him again once I've fixed you up."

"Heh, good luck(!)"

"Raph?"

"Yeah?"

"May I suggest we don't tell Mikey about this?"

"Errr why not?"

"I don't want to freak him out and think that this was all his fault."

"Of course it isn't. That's stupid!"

"I know, but remember he's very sensitive about these things. He'll take it to heart."

"*Sigh* Alright, but when things are better, we need to say somethin'."

In all honesty, Donatello wasn't sure when things would get better…

"By the way, what are we gonna say about this?" Raphael nudged in the direction of the hand Donatello had finally finished wrapping. He could just about see the ends of his three fingers to know his hand was still in there somewhere.

"Ehh, make something up, but nothing too exciting. Don't go in to too many details."

"I know - I'll just blame one of your science projects."

"Hey! You can't say that."

"Why not? It's perfectly believable. They've caused enough problems in this place."

"Grrrr whatever. Right, your respiration, blood pressure and other vitals check out fine, so I'm just going to check on Leo. Don't go anywhere."

"Hey, don't forget your knockout pen, or chloroform bandana, or mutant net. Get it? Not fish net, mutant net. Nnnahhh that was terrible…"

Donatello had already walked away at this point.

Raphael suddenly relished the feeling of being pain free. Initially he didn't realise Donatello had inserted an IV in to his arm after they moved him to a nearby cot. Now that the drugs were kicking in, Raphael felt oddly euphoric.

"Whoa, these painkillers are the jam."


End file.
